Supporting husbands and being their "Helpmeet"

First there is the topic of Obedience 

Obedience to a husband does not include murdering for him or any other sin, like thieving, lying, or anything immoral. I personally put it this way---if a husband says to do something contrary to the Bible and you have to choose between obeying your husband or obeying your Creator then I go with God and what God has taught because my husband and myself are both sinners. It's a little like the blind leading the blind. God is not a sinner.
But many women say, "I have to obey my husband, the Bible says so." The difference between me and a person saying that is that I'm concentrating on the author of the Scriptures, the author of my faith, for that matter. My husband is fallible and God is not. In areas of Biblical obedience and morality I choose to follow God, our Lord. As much as possible I obey my husband. As much as my earthly sin-nature lets me. Plus, if it were not for God I would not have a Bible to quote or to teach  me. The Bible, that we all want to follow, came from God.

I believe the headship order given in I Cor 11 clearly teaches that it's God, then Jesus, then man, then woman but in another part of the Word we have the teaching that God sees us as neither man nor female, neither slave nor free, etc.

So I believe that the headship order is to HELP us here on earth to know "who follows who" in the day-to-day decisions that are not matters of morality. And, I believe the same thing in a church setting too----it brings order and God likes and teaches orderliness in several places in the Bible.

In the life (after this earthly life has ended) I believe in our total equality and even now before God, but for here, for solving spats and making choices, I believe our Jesus, our Lord gave us clear direction ever since He created Eve.

As to living with an unbelieving spouse; clearly you have to pray for them and they do change for the better (usually) as they age. They don't always. Get your friends to pray for your husband too.

There is more to the topic too and that is how I am a "helpmeet" to my husband. 

Personally, how I "helpmeet" my husband is by keeping in mind that the Bible says we are the weaker vessel and our husbands are supposed to love us as Christ loved the Church and gave His life for her. And the Bible says that our husbands are supposed to love us as much as they love their own body.

With that and the "gentle and quiet" spirit teachings and the other verses directed TO women in the Bible I come to it with all of that in the background. (Those are included at the end.)

We are asked to respect our husbands and they are asked to love us.

I Corinthians 11 reminds us that woman is made FOR man and not man for woman.
With all of that in the background of my thinking I try to "help" and by help, I mean sweep the floor, to me that is helping my husband. By putting the emphasis on the word "help" it lifts a ton of weight off of my shoulders and puts all of that back where it belongs---on God, and on my husband.

If I help, then I don't do everything for him. He can pick up a towel. If he couldn't pick up his towel then I would help him do that. I'm not obstinate but I want to help in a feminine and Biblical way and not do everything that he can do himself. Women who try that wind up waiting on their husbands "hand and foot" and (often) very unhappy because that energy is (often) not reciprocated and I think that the wife took the teaching too far.

Sweeping the back steps is helping him. Jumping on the riding lawn mower for an 8 hour mowing session, in several very hilly and bumpy fields, is not helping him appropriately because I'm not physically capable of that and he is muscular, strong, and big. He is capable of mowing our 6 acre farm-ette and he does the man-work and I help in a more lady-like way.

I'm not telling any of you to not mow the lawn but in some marriages the wife does that, then takes out the garbage, cleans and cooks, raises the children like she is a single parent because she does ALL the work of that and brings her lazy husband a sandwich while wiping the sweat off of her brow. After that, she washes the car and starts dinner. She has become a slave more than a servant of the Lord. She often secretly resents her husband and inwardly considers him to be lazy and that is NOT respecting her husband to think such thoughts because thoughts have a way of exhibiting themselves in one form or another. Trying to squash down all your resentments daily will bring unintended consequences, or at least it could.

Adam was given his curses from God.

Eve was given her curses from God.

The funny thing is that men cannot borrow from our curse and bear children but we can be under our curse, bear children etc., and have a job, do all of the household work and be the one who gets up with the kids and we CAN borrow from Adam's curse, the curse of work.
In some marriages I personally know it's becoming very common for the husband to be the stay-at-home parent and his wife goes to the office everyday.

I believe that going back and reading the curses given to Adam and Eve will help all of us.
 Here are the 10 verses in the Bible directed to women

Verses Directed to Women

From the entire Bible, Genesis through Revelation, the Bible very infrequently calls out to women specially and I believe because it is such a rare thing that we believing females ought to at least read and know these verses and then whether you obey them or do not is between you and our Lord.

There are many verses in the Bible written to “Anthropos” meaning all people. There are a few written to aner, which means only male (MEN ONLY) and doesn’t mean people. Then there are the few times below where the Bible speaks to women.

#1-------I Tim 5: 9-10, the widow’s list, includes proper behavior

#2-------I Tim 2: 9-15, dressing modestly/don’t teach/be in silence

#3-------I Peter 3: 1-6, submit/apparel/ gentle and quiet spirit

#4-------Proverbs 31: 10-30, virtuous wife

#5-------Titus 2:3-5, behavior, teaching younger women to love their husband and children

#6-------I Corinthians 14:34-35, do not speak in church

#7-------Ephesians 5:22-23, marriage submission

#8-------Colossians 3:18, marriage submission

#9-------I Corinthians 11:2-16, women’s headship, covering, long hair

#10-----Add to all of the above when Adam and Eve were given curses, you will see that the genders were not given the same curses. Men can’t borrow from Eve’s curse and bear a child but a woman can live under her curses and borrow from Adam’s curses which quite often winds up with a marriage of hardship.

Thank you,

Clevsea

Struggling to keep covering

Struggling to keep covering:

On one of the covering lists that I run a member reported that she is struggling to keep covering. What I wrote to her there I bring to you here, in case it can help someone:

That's the whole reason I run 2 covering support groups and post here....to support covering. These two Yahoo groups have only one purpose.

Someone called me a "Fundamentalist" over the weekend and he told me that we are supposed to take Paul's letters symbolically, not literally. The person had the correct definition too. To take the Bible literally. So he is not "off" on his definition. But he takes the Bible symbolically and therefore, I believe, he is free to pick and choose which passages to obey and which ones are okay to disobey. I'm starting to hate living in the "last days" because I can see the falling away from the faith all around me. Things all Christians believed in and followed together are going away. They've been there for 2000 years. But we've lost ground (as if in a war and Paul says we are in a war) since the 1920's and again in the 1960's. I'm sick of it. Our children are being raised in Christian homes and rejecting the faith after a good and kind grounding in the Christian faith. You hear about that every day. Sorry, this part is NOT directed at anyone struggling with covering other than to say that usually people who cover are those who are attempting to follow and obey the New Testament as best as they can. They DO believe that Paul's letters are to be obeyed.

If you do not know there is a large teaching on head covering for both men and women in First Corinthians, chapter 11: 1-16. It's a letter that Paul wrote. It's published in the New Testament of the Bible. The women of the Old Testament covered too and we have a small reference to that early in the Bible but not a full teaching about it. In the NT we get a full teaching.

I say this: How absurd to call me a Fundamentalist when I would have been called an ordinary Christian 100 years ago.

Paul did not write,

"To those in Corinth,

Please take my letters that I write to you symbolically, not literally." 

No, he was very adamant that those receiving the letters obey him. In the 11th chapter of I Corinthians (the covering passage) he told us at the beginning of the passage to do as he does, follow his example and he has said that other places in his letters too. He has said (essentially) "I've got this, I'm living this, I'm an example to you of how to do it, and he assumed the teacher/example role."

Then he taught covering for 15 verses and then he gave 3 very long-term, if not eternal reasons to cover.

Most Bible passages do not self-interpret themselves but our covering passage does.

Because of the headship order: God, Jesus, Man

Because of the order of creation, Man then woman

Because of the angels and then Paul doesn't say whether he means the "good" angels or the the fallen angels.

But it's such a clear teaching and I find that passage of Corinthians is my personal main "help" to cover. Twenty-six years ago I didn't WANT to cover. I liked my hair. People still compliment my hair. I didn't want to be hot in the summer. I didn't want to "stick out" and cause people to ostracize me and I didn't want to be debated by pastors, elders, pastor's wives, friends, children, etc., I wished I could dig into the Greek and find a way out of covering but there was not a way out. In fact, the Greek makes it at least 100% more clear that we are to cover than the English translations do. 

Other coverers find other comfort and reasons for covering. They like the simplicity of it. They feel more obedient when they do it. I've asked a lot of questions on these 2 covering groups I run and I've received a lot of reason of "why" people cover.

This something only you can do for yourself. Only the Lord can help you. The pervasiveness of others will not assist you. We can pray for you and that's about all we can do. I regularly pray for North America about this topic. South America does cover, as does the Asian continent and many places of the world. 

My prescription for someone struggling with this or ANY other spiritual issue is to take a 1 day retreat at home, if you can, Get a babysitter if you have children or do it on the weekend, if you're married, and stay in your room for 1 day. Take a toaster, some bread, some butter and some water, a few plates and butter knives and the Bible and any Bible helps or reference books you may need. Only leave the room to potty.

Then spend the whole day away from the crazy, high speed world, and the critics who live in it and be with our Lord. That's your only goal. Just be with Jesus. The bread and water are to keep you there, in your room, rather than in the kitchen. Rest, Pray a lot, and read the Bible a lot. Give the Lord one full day of attention and see what He does with you. 

Don't even think about those who have rejected you for covering or for being a literal Bible follower.

Last time I looked up "Fundamentalist" in a dictionary the meaning was short. It said, "Those who believe the Bible is really the words of God." 

Yes, that's me. If that is ALL that it means, why is is becoming an insult?

If some type of cloth, scarf, or hat is on your head, why is that so offensive to other people?

It's them, not you. They don't want to cover and I remember having that feeling too, 26 years ago. It's a strong "want" but we don't "get to" disobey God. Our passage doesn't say our prayers will not be answered. It just says DON'T pray or prophesy uncovered and then gives those 3 reasons within the passage.

If any of you are struggling: Please take a 1 day retreat in your home or leave home for 1 day and do that. Some churches or retreat centers, or monasteries will let you stay 1 night for free. Or get a quiet hotel room. But get alone and devote yourself to the Lord for one full day.

I brought this here in case someone here needed to hear this too.

Thank you,

Clevsea