The Question: How do we become the gentle and quiet spirit in our homes?
I think we've all had to learn this at some point.
It doesn't come naturally to yield the "right of way" in any situation and it's esp. difficult if it's a emotional topic.
What helped me was memorizing the Scriptures on the topic and mentally reciting them to myself.
Old habits take time to break so you can expect to "goof up" a few times. But, with time it does become a habit and it gets easier.
Even more important is the help that the Holy Spirit can/will give you. We want to walk in the Spirit of the Lord.
Here is the passage from Galatians 5:
"16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."
Here is the gentle and quiet spirit passage from I Pet 3:
"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror."
Because there are FEW verses directed toward women specifically I keep them handy. Look these up in your Bible:
#1 -- I Tim 5:9-10 the widow's list, includes proper behavior
#2 -- I Tim 2:9-15 dressing modestly, don't teach/be in silence
#3 -- I Peter 3:1-6 submit, apparel, gentle & quiet spirit
#4 -- Prov 31:10-30 virtuous wife
#5 -- Titus 2:3-5 behavior, teaching younger women to love their husband & children
#6 -- I Cor 14:34-35 do not speak in Church
#7 -- Eph 5:22-23 Marriage submission
#8 -- Col 3:18 Marriage submission
#9 -- I Cor 11:2-16 women's headship, covering, long hair
#10 Eve's curse is different than Adam's curse
I hope I didn't overwhelm you.
As you step back from leading, your husband will begin to lead more. It may take time and sometimes you'll want to revert back to leading. Just be patient and know your Bible passages.